Friday, March 1, 2013

Envy, Fear, Jesus, Love


In today’s readings, we hear about jealous brothers and jealous pharisees. In the first reading, Joseph’s brothers plot to kill him because they recognize that their father loves Joseph best. In the Gospel, Jesus tells the chief priest that “the kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a people that will produce its fruit.”

Envy is a dangerous thing. It makes us act in ways we couldn’t imagine we’d ever act. And it’s a funny thing, because envy can be disguised in many different ways. Agitation with someone else, frustration, impatience. These can sometimes have envy at the root.

How many times have I been annoyed with someone only to discover (if I am willing to be honest with myself) that the true cause of my feelings is some form of envy, even if very slight.

If, then, I’m willing to go a little further, my reflections will reveal that envy is usually caused by my own insecurities, my own fear of failure, my own feelings of unworthiness.

When I find myself suffering from envy, I generally find that behind this envy is fear -- fear that I’m not as good as I should be, that I’m not succeeding in the areas I hope to, that I’m unnoticed and unloved.

What is the answer to fear? What is the solution to feeling small and unworthy? Jesus!

If I can be honest with myself about my envy or fear or of feeling small, then I can also be honest with the Lord. When I realize (or can admit) that my negative feelings towards others come from my own human weakness, I gently (or maybe not so gently!) give it back to God.

“All my ambitions, hopes and plans” goes the popular Gospel song, “I surrender these into your hands. For it’s only in Your will that I am free.”

What is the antidote to envy? Humility. Letting go. Giving it all back to God. Never forget to trust that Jesus’ love for you is deeper and wider and more profound than your human heart can hope to comprehend. In Jesus, there is no need to fear. In him, there is never ending love.

-Rachel Balducci

Litany of Humility
O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.
That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

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